Going “All in”!

From the song All In by Matthew West

My feet are frozen on this middle ground
The water’s warm here but the fire’s gone out
I played it safe for so long the passion left
Turns out safe is just another word for regret

So, I step to the edge and I take a deep breath
We’re all dying to live but we’re all scared to death
And this is the part where my head tells my heart
You should turn back around but there’s no turning back now

I’m going all in
Headfirst into the deep end
I hear You calling
And this time the fear won’t win
I’m going, I’m going all in

I have dreamed of being a writer since I was a little girl. 

The road to my writing dream, however, has always felt just beyond my reach.  It feels like I’ve been sitting on the bench, waiting for my turn at bat, and the coach refuses to put me in the lineup.

For a long time I have pushed that dream to the back burner and turned to my other loves: singing, dancing, and acting.  I have taught theatre in some capacity for the past 15 years. I have loved my time teaching and directing, but looking back, you know what I did for most of it?  I wrote a lot of scripts.

Somehow we can’t escape our deepest and most heartfelt dreams and desires. And, yet, they can be the hardest to go after. After all, they have the potential to cut the deepest if we aren’t “good enough” to see them through.

I have had many thoughts float through my head that keep me from reaching for my dream. What if nobody wants to read a word that I write? What if my posts aren’t meaningful like I hope they’ll be? What if I just flat out stink at it, even though I love it so much? I’m learning that all of these questions and self-doubt are keeping me frozen, afraid to truly begin a good work.

I find that when one is struggling with self-doubt and negative questioning, it is best to “flip the coin” and ask some new questions. What if people LIKE what I have to say? What if my words DO reach people and HELP them in some way? What if I could actually be GOOD at this?

It seems like such a simple thing, flipping things around in the mind, but when we choose to do it wholeheartedly, we start to buy into those new questions instead of being defeated by the old ones. We begin to lift ourselves up. We begin to see a world of possibility opening up before us.

The truth of the matter is, there is no coach keeping me on the bench. I voluntarily put myself on the injured list, believing I wasn’t fit to play. Do you ever do that? Decide you’re incapable? That something won’t work before you even dare to begin? We just can’t do that. Not anymore.

I truly believe God gives us certain gifts for a reason. 1 Peter 4:10 says “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” You see, it isn’t really about whether or not I’m “good enough”, it is whether or not I’m living my life and using my talents for God. And I believe, with all my heart, that I’m supposed to write. I simply can’t believe God would bestow a gift on me that wasn’t supposed to be used for His glory. So, I will put forth the effort and then do my three favorite words: Pray. Trust. Wait.

And you know what? It really doesn’t matter if people like what I write. I mean, I hope they will, but I’m writing for me. I’m writing for God. Not because I want to, but because I HAVE to. There are words within me just begging to get out, and I have kept them caged for far too long.

So, I hope you will see, through this blog, how this dream unfolds. (I’m going all in!) And I hope you will follow my example and do that thing that you’ve always wanted to do. Stop making excuses for why you can’t. Trust in God, and dive in! Cannonball, even. Make a big splash! Maybe our dreams will come true…or maybe God will lead us to something even richer, but we have to put in the effort to find out! 

I’ll be praying for you, friends.  Now, go for it! Just do it! And become someone you never dreamed you could be. I sure plan to.